I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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