I checked into jail on foursquare
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize