haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
We don't watch enough power rangers
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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