I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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