who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
