strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
