so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
