come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
