I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
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