Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
