I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize