A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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