dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
