Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Randomize