im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
