Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize