Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
