I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
