I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize