why didn't you poke me back
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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