i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
