I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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