She is in my trunk
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize