Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
