I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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