so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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