What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
