i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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