Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
