You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
