I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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