You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm having to shit out rocks
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
