i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
try to milk me bitch
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