I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
