Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
