Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
