woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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