I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
