No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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