Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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