I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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