There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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