That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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