I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
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