I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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