i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
