We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
