i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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