she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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