Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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