i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
