today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
