And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
