im gay
i know
yea but for you.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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