When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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