We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Im part way to drunk.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize