Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
