I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
