I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
