I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I hope mine doesn't look like that
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
