I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
