Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Randomize
