well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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