I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
