from now on my penis is your penis
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
