Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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