I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
