Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
