How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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