I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
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