Pappa wants mamma naked
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
