i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Four minutes until I can fart!
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
